Chapter 20

Heated Emotions

Normally, the stillness of the cabin and seeing nothing but its four walls would drive Dabria stir crazy. They had left the mansion with almost nothing but the clothes they had on and one small bag each. Thankfully, they had a few things they kept on the ship and more at the estate. No, instead of driving her crazy, Dabria almost welcomed the stillness. It left her with plenty of time to think over the course that had led to where she was now.

It had started so simply. She had allowed her love for her parents to blind her to how manipulative they could be, though she was no stranger to that fact. Looking back, she felt stupid for not seeing the path they were leading her down, yet she doubted she could have changed it even then. But perhaps, she could have at least had her eyes opened or even feigned illness to slow them down. Of course, it had been her parents’ whole intent to get her to accept what they wanted without making her illness flare up and they had succeeded masterfully.

When she and Salena had arrived back home nine months ago, the questions had seemed like curiosity. They wanted to know all about Leon McNeil, even things they had heard many times before. Still, it seemed harmless, though annoying at many times. By the time the first month was up they seemed to know more about him than she did and the questions began to turn. Slowly, they began to question his intent, if he really wanted to become betrothed, if he was just leading her on, if his intent was pure, and on and on. It quickly became boring and old. Each time she walked into the room, they had thought of something else to question. Then, by the third month, the questions had become insults to his character. He was older than he appeared, he had a mistress already, he wasn’t really the king’s ambassador’s son, and the list didn’t stop there. And yet the changes between the months happened so gradually, Dabria barely noticed. It was simply a relief when they found a new topic, which wasn’t often. Finally, they became consoling telling her how it wasn’t her fault he was fickle and she couldn’t be blamed for his lack of commitment. She should have realized something was up, she berated herself. But it wasn’t until the following month, that things became strange.

Five months after she had been home, her parents became convinced that Leon McNeil was a fake. Not just that he wasn’t what he said, but that he wasn’t real. Dabria had made him up. It started out slowly, a well placed question or two, but by the end of the month there was no mistaking that her parents refused to believe he was real. By the time they were through, Dabria half believed she had imagined him herself. Therefore, it wasn’t surprising when her parents began mentioning other options. Boys began appearing up at the house more and discussions on how to climb the social ladder became the normal course. An exceeding number of lessons in refinement and harsher punishments for anything out of the acceptable standards, left her with no doubt that she was being groomed and prepared.

The following month, when her mother called her into her sitting room stood out in Dabria’s mind as if it had happened only seconds before. All those months of slowly degrading Leon and building her up had been for this single moment, so that when her mother made her announcement, Dabria would accept it rather than allow her illness to flare up again. Unwillingly, Dabria sank back into the memory.

“Close the door, Dabria. There is no need for the servant’s to all hear the family business,” Stacia commanded as her daughter entered the room.

Strange, thought Dabria, her mother usually never thought about the servants, but she followed the command.

“Come here, Daughter. Let me look you over.” Stacia waved her jeweled hand at her.

Dabria stepped to her mother’s side and obediently twirled when asked.

“Well, you are not a vivacious beauty, but you do have that natural petite look to you. Sometimes that can be even more useful. You have done wonderfully on your studies. With your delicate looks, you will make an excellent wife to an Earl, or perhaps even a Duke. We must look hard at the best option for you.”

“Mother, I really don’t think that lessons on how not to speak are going to help me find a husband any time soon,” Dabria reported with a smile.

Stacia sniffed. “Of course they will! Every lady must realize that her husband wants something beautiful to show off, not someone who mouths off.”

“Well, perhaps not mouthing off, but I know plenty of men who respect their wives opinion. Tommy and Evyn both do.”

“Bah. Dabria, we have been over this. That is a fantasy world. You do not, nor will you ever, live there. They have nothing to do with you. They don’t even know the real you. You are simply something for their entertainment. Daughter, you should not worry yourself over them. They are not worth your time or effort.”

Dabria sighed. They knew more of the ‘real’ her, then her parents did, but she would get nowhere like this. “Yes, Mother.”

“Good girl. Now, you do know you are not getting any younger?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“And you realize the other girls your age are all ready married and except for you, those who are not do not deserve to be?” Her mother’s voice was imploring.

“Yes, Mother,” Dabria answered dutifully.

“Then, unless you wish to be group with those beneath you, you must be married quickly, correct?”

“I guess so,” Dabria answered, beginning to get confused. The logic her mother was using was plain enough, but this was not a normal conversation. Something was coming she didn’t want to know about.

“I’m glad we agree. So, then in two months you shall be betrothed.” Stacia announced as if it was all settled.

“What?” Dabria exclaimed, shocked at the sudden pronouncement.

“Dabria! Use your lady’s voice!” Her mother admonished.

“Mother! You cannot be serious! Who am I suppose to meet in two months?”

“What about the nice boys we have brought around lately?”

“None of them are a Duke,” Dabria pointed out quickly.

Stacia sighed. “You’re right.”

“What about Leon? He’s not a Duke, but his position is very good,” Dabria suggested desperately.

“Oh, my dear, you cannot still hold out hope for that fantasy. He will not come through for you.”

“If I’m to be betrothed in two months, I’ll never know. That is before I leave to go to Kiliki’s!”

“Is it now? I hadn’t realized,” Stacia pouted, as if this was a concern.

Anger filled Dabria at the comment. “Yes, you did. You planned everything this way!”

“Do not be absurd. We will make a deal. You have five months, until the end of your trip, if this Leon does not come through and you remain un-betrothed when you return, your father and I will pick a husband for you. Either way, Dabria, in five months you will be engaged to a man of great status.”

“That’s not a deal, Mother, it is an ultimatum.” Dabria crossed her arms and glared at the woman.

Stacia shrugged. “Think of it however you will. But in truth, we are being generous. As you have already pointed out, most your age are all ready married. You are far behind and I will not have an old maid for a daughter. At least you have the chance for your man to come through.”

“This is wrong, Mother,” Dabria whispered.

“No, child, this is the way of our world. From the day you were born, these expectations have been placed on you. It is only now that we ask that they be fulfilled. Now, I am tired. I expect you are too. Go and rest on your bed for the rest of the afternoon. It will give you time to think on how kind your parents are truly being to you.”

“You can’t force me to marry someone, Mother. I’ll find a way out of this,” Dabria tried to protest.

Her mother’s only reply was, “five months.”

Now, it was down to three. After their conversation, her parents had introduced her to every male they thought suitable. She had traveled to parties not even on her own island. Her home became a prison of relentless suitors and she grew to hate it very quickly. She had plotted and devised, worried and waited, and yet no way of escape presented itself. She could not simply run away as her sister had done. Unlike Kiliki, she was her parents’ biological child and they had the right to force her hand or even sell her. Anywhere she went her parents could demand her return. In truth, the only way out was if she was already married. And that would not happen in the next three months. Her only option left was to buy time and perhaps Leon would come through.

Justin’s refusal to bring her aboard had been the final straw. He was her only hope to buy the time she needed and if he could not take her to her sister’s, her parents would see no reason to keep her three month extension. She could not wait for his return. It was simply something she could not risk. So, she had taken the only course she could see.

She told her mother Justin had changed his mind. Then she and Salena each packed a single bag and set out for the town. When they arrived, they found Inu and Sheron at the tavern and asked them to escort them onto the ship. The boys had gladly done so, too drunk to realize something was amiss. When they arrived, Maath greeted them and attempted to turn them around. But the girls quickly explained and finally received a reluctant promise Maath would not reveal their presence on board to Justin until a good time. Perhaps he should have waited longer, Dabria surmised. In the end, it didn’t matter, they were on board and Justin was still taking them to Triger.

Dabria would be glad for the fact, except that Justin had called her trust for him into question. It wasn’t really true. He just didn’t know the whole situation. She couldn’t have waited, her parents would have immediately declared her betrothal to someone of their choosing. It probably wouldn’t have mattered if she had told them Justin would be back in one month. Justin would not have wanted her to wait for them to make their decision. He just wouldn’t have.

“Of course not! It killed me to have to leave you in that house! But your life is more important to me than even your marriage. I want you to be happy, Dabria, but I want you alive even more!”

Justin’s anger words flashed into her brain. Maybe he would have.

Once again, she had messed up. She would have to wait until he returned to the cabin for her to apologize. It seemed she was always having to apologize to him. His last words stung her more than she wanted to admit. He told her she usually never thought things through. That wasn’t true and yet it certainly seemed that way. She was far too impulsive for her own good. And for once, she wondered how many would truly be hurt by that before she learned her lesson.

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“Father, I do try. I don’t want to be impulsive all the time. Even when I do think things through it seems I am always forgetting something. I’m going to end up hurting someone, Lord. I don’t want that. Please, somehow help me to curb my impulsiveness. Help me to be more patience and to think things through slower. Help me to see more than just my side of the issue,” Dabria paused, not sure what else to say.

“Help us both to seek after Your will, Abba, and to not allow our own wants to cloud our judgment. Thank you for caring for us and taking care of us despite what we sometimes manage to do,” Salena finished.

Dabria squeezed her friend’s hands. “Thank you, Abba. Amen.”

The two girls looked up at each other, from their spots on Salena’s bed.

“Feel better?” Salena asked.

Dabria nodded. “Thanks for praying with me.”

“Any time.” Salena smiled.

“I’m kind of worried how God will answer that prayer though. I mean, how do you cure impulsiveness?” Dabria frowned.

Salena laughed. “I have no idea, but it should prove amusing to watch.”

Dabria stuck out her tongue at her friend, which only made her friend laugh harder. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Dabria called, standing up.

Justin entered carrying a tray loaded with food and a pitcher. He placed it on the table.

“I thought I’d eat with you since I haven’t seen you for the past few days,” Justin spoke.

Dabria smiled. “We thought you were still mad at us.”

“I am,” Justin replied, pulling out a seat from the table. “But I figured I might not get the chance to eat with you very often from now on, so I should take advantage of it.”

Dabria nodded and Salena stood to cross over to the table. Both girls took a seat and the three piled food onto their wooden plates.

“Mind if we pray?” Dabria asked. She waited for Justin to nod acceptance, then prayed quickly, ‘Thank you, Lord, for this meal. Bless it unto our bodies and bless those that prepared it. Thank you for Justin taking us to see our family. Please help us to figure out our next moves. Amen.”

“How far away are we?” Salena broke the awkward silence that settled after the prayer.

“We added about three days onto the trip and a stop in an extra port. So, it should be a little more than a week left.”

“Have you seen the phantom pirate?” Dabria asked.

Justin frowned. “He’s not a phantom anymore. And yes, he’s been following us for the better part of the week.”

“Almost since we left Yakecan?” Salena clarified.

Justin nodded. “He was waiting for us. He hasn’t attacked yet, so I’m still hopeful he doesn’t realize you’re on board.”

“What happens if he does attack?” Dabria questioned.

Justin looked at her for a moment, before answering, “You stay in this cabin and hide. I’ll do everything in my power to stop him from getting to you. If you are out where you can be seen, that task will be much harder.”

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Dabria’s voice was soft as she thought of all the trouble she had caused this time.

“I think you’ve done quite enough,” Justin pointed out, then softened his tone slightly. “The best thing now is to get you to Triger as quickly as possible without raising suspicion.”

Both girls nodded and picked at their food. It was a while before Justin spoke again.

“Dabria, what are you planning once you make it to your sister’s place?”

The eighteen year old sighed. “I have no idea. I’ve been given the ultimate order. If I cannot find someone acceptable to become betrothed too, my parents will choice for me. I only have three months.” She paused to glance at Justin then said, “But I could have had even less.”

Justin put his fork back down. “What do you mean?”

“There’s something you don’t. When my mother spoke to me, she was only going to give me two months. I convinced her to allow me the extra three because of this trip. If I had not come on it with the intent of having Leon propose she would have taken away that time. It was never about trusting you, Justin. It was about a timeline exposed to my mother’s whim.”

“You are very resourceful, Dabria, I’m sure you would have figured out some way to slow her down until I returned. You simply didn’t believe I would come back for you.” He leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. “I wonder. If it had been Leon who said he would return for you, would you have trusted him?”

Dabria’s mouth dropped open and Salena’s fork dropped to the plate. She picked it up quickly, looking fully ready to retreat to the other side of the room if she had to.

“How can you even make that comparison?” Dabria spouted.

Justin shrugged. “Easily. Shouldn’t you be?”

“And just how, pray tell, did you figure that out, oh Mighty Captain?” Dabria’s voice was heavy with sarcasm.

“No need to get high and mighty. I’m simply pointing out that for all you keep saying you need time to figure things out, it seems more like this is a trip to get the infamous Leon McNeil to bow before you. In which case, I would think you could answer a simple question about trusting him.”

This time, Salena didn’t hesitate. She placed her fork neatly on the plate and moved to the safety of her bed as far as she could from the coming violent storm. Neither Dabria nor Justin was in any mood to notice her amused smile though.

“You have no right to insinuate that I do not trust Leon. He has never let me down. I have no reason not to trust him. Unlike some other people I know!” She exclaimed loudly.

“Oh really?” Justin mocked. “You want to name this people, Dabria? Because I know I’m not on that list! I have spent the entire time I’ve known you protecting and caring for you. My every action has been for your benefit!”

“Please! Like you go chasing after pirates for my sake. Don’t make me laugh. You’ve always had your own agenda and far be it for anyone or anything to get in your way!” Dabria waved her hand in the air as if shooing a pesky fly.

“No,” Justin replied sarcastically. “I only make sure every single year that I get you back and forth to your sister’s and that you are safe every second of the way. I think about you when you’re not on my ship and worry that you are okay. I pick up things that I think will amuse you or make you laugh. I fight so that my name will be feared and yours will be safe!”

“You care so much, yet you can forget me so easily!” Anger made her voice rise as old hurts surfaced. “Nine months out of the year, Justin! I don’t matter to you or anyone else! I’m in a house that holds me hostage and you never come! You never check in on me! You’re off saving your little piece of the sea. While I sit at home and pray you are still alive and I’ll see you again.”

“You only want to see me so that I will take you to your sister’s! Far be it for you to actually be concerned just for me!” Justin shot back, just as angry.

“How dare you! I cannot believe you can sit there and spout lies at me!” Dabria was almost in tears now, though whether it was from rage or pain she hadn’t a clue. “You mean more to me than I could ever tell you! I look forward to these trips because of you! You think I’m some little sister who doesn’t know what you’ve sacrificed for me! I’m a grown woman and I’m getting married! I know exactly who you are and what you want. I know you just as well as you know yourself!”

“You might be a grown woman, but you should not be getting married! You only pretend to care about the man you are so intent on marrying! That man has caused you only trouble since you met him! He’s made you think and act differently! He doesn’t know the real you anymore than he cares too!”

“How would you know?” Dabria accused. “You avoid him and me! You’ve hardly seen us together! He treats me like the woman I am not like the little sister he tries to keep me as!”

“He treats you like the woman he wants you to become!” Justin slammed his hand down on the table and then rose out of his chair. “You would go crazy acting so prim and proper all the time, Dabria! And don’t you dare tell me otherwise. I have seen you with him. You sit there like a lump and pretend there is nothing better in the world to do. I know you. I know how you love to run and have adventures. Has he ever seen you climb a mast or jumped over board after you? He wouldn’t even recognize you if he knew the real you!”

“Oh and you do?” Dabria rose to face him head on. “How do you know I’m not both of those people? Am I really so awful that a man like Leon wouldn’t want me?”

“A man like Leon doesn’t deserve you!” Justin retorted quickly, pointing at her.

“Then who does, Justin?” Dabria slapped his hand away. “Answer me that! Would you have me living my life as an old maid until you finally approve the person I marry? You never would! My parents have given me three months! Three months! And whether you approve or not, I will be betrothed by the end of that time! I don’t have to like it, but I have to accept it! That’s who I am! That’s who I was born to be.”

“So, you will give up then?” Justin asked, the hot air slowly going out of his sails. “What happened to the girl who wanted to live an adventure? On our first trip together, you said that was your dream, to have a really big adventure.”

“Maybe this is it,” Dabria shrugged, lowering her voice to match his.

“Now you’re lying to us both.”

A sigh escaped her lips. “I grew up, Justin. I grew up right under your nose. I don’t get childhood dreams anymore. I get the reality of my birth.”

Justin stared at her for a long time, before speaking slowly. “Do you know why you couldn’t answer my original question? It isn’t because you don’t know the answer, you do. You don’t trust Leon. You don’t even trust him with who you really are. But you have let him change you. The Pixie I knew would fight for her freedom and her dreams. My Pixie did grow up and in her place is a woman conforming to expectations and losing the independency that always drove her.”

“That’s not true,” Dabria whispered. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I? Then prove me wrong, if you even can anymore.” Justin let his challenge linger between them as they stared at one another. Finally, he spoke once more, “Let me know when you get my Pixie back.” With that, he turned and left, closing the door firmly behind him.

To Dabria it was the sound of her whole world closing around her. There was nothing she could do to stop it, and despite Justin’s challenge, neither could she find the strength to fight it.

The tears she had fought earlier came back and she turned to her bed quickly. Going over to it, she lay down on her stomach and closed her eyes. She felt Salena move to her side and rub her back soothingly. Exhausted, she cried herself to sleep.

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The last days had been spent in almost a fog of depression. She had not seen Justin since their argument and even now it was Maath who came to tell them they would arrive in Triger in a short time and to be ready to disembark. Despite the fact that she felt hurt and almost betrayed by his words, she desperately wanted to see him. She couldn’t explain it more than that.

He had said so many things to her, things that she could not even begin to analyze. She couldn’t remember the exact words that had been spoken, almost as if she willed herself not too, but the feelings that they had caused remained well in tack. He had walked away still believing she did not trust him, that she was giving up and marrying the wrong man because she had no choice, and yet though he claimed to care about her, he never mentioned a right man. Deep down, Dabria was aware that she wished he had. She hated him for making her feel so lost and yet she needed to see him again. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to him, but she knew she wanted to see him. Yet, he was denying her even that. Why, she wasn’t sure.

Salena’s hand settled on her shoulder. “Maath is here. It’s time.”

Dabria looked up from her spot on the bed. She had been facing the door and somehow she hadn’t noticed her friend’s entrance. She nodded and grabbed her bag. Quickly, the two followed Maath up to the main deck. The familiar sights and smells of Triger greeted them. Dabria looked around for Justin, but she didn’t see him. She glanced at Maath, but couldn’t bring herself to ask where the illusive captain was. Maath helped them both into the waiting carriage.

“You both take care now. Smile, Bree. You too, Salena. God didn’t make your pretty faces for frowning,” Maath cracked.

Both girls smiled slightly at the joke. “Thank you, Maath. Tell Namid we said goodbye.”

“I will, girls. Remember, God’s still got a plan for your good, even when you can’t see it.”

He shot them a parting smile and closed the door, calling up to the driver to take off and be careful if he wanted to keep his head on his shoulders. Immediately, the carriage started moving.

“Where was he?” Dabria asked softly.

“I don’t know. It’s not like him,” Salena answered.

“I must have made him furious,” Dabria thought out loud.

Salena smiled slightly. “You make each other furious.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” Dabria turned to her friend.

Salena shook her head. “Nothing beyond what I said.”

“Hmmm.”

The carriage pulled to a stop and Dabria frowned. “That was too fast.” She opened the door to look out. “We’re at the town house.”

“The town house!” Salena exclaimed, peering around her friend. “Why here?”

“This is where you are being dropped off,” a voice answered.

“Justin?” Dabria asked, climbing out.

Justin stood next to the driver and was paying him.

“No one is here,” she protested.

“Servants are. They will take you out to the estate. Or you can ride your horses,” Justin spoke with a total lack of interest. “I don’t have the time. You can get to the estate just fine from here.”

Dabria shook her head. “You’re not making any sense.”

He swung around to look at her. He spoke slowly as if she was hard of hearing. “I am dropping you off here and leaving. The servants will take you safely to the estate.”

“Why can’t you?” Dabria persisted.

He gazed at her steadily for a long moment. “What do you want from me, Dabria? Do you even know? You said you’re a grown woman, so act like it. I’m not your lackey and you don’t need me for anything.”

Dabria stared at him in shock. “I never said that!”

“Really? You certainly act it. You don’t need me to protect you, or care about you, and you certainly don’t trust me. So, why should I try to prove otherwise? You’ve given up. Why be so surprised when others do the same?”

“You can’t mean that,” Dabria gasped.

He stepped closer to her, so he was only inches away and replied, “No. But it would be easier if I did. I’ll be back in three months. Then we’ll see what you’ve decided.”

Dabria’s breath released all at once as Justin swung away from her and up onto his waiting horse. He never turned around again and within seconds was out of sight.

“Dabria?” Salena asked, tentatively.

“Why is he being so cruel?” Dabria asked.

“You’re making a lot of changes soon, Bree. I don’t think he knows how to deal with them any better than you do,” Salena pointed out gently.

“Maybe. But he doesn’t have to be so cruel.”

“No. He doesn’t.”

“He’s right about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“In three months, we will see what I’ve decided and I think it will only be when he comes back that I’ll know whether or not I can live with my choice.”

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